/'TO GO OR NOT TO GO[-

That is the question. Right now I'm not sure. I actually decided not to go and see the Bowerbirds tonight this afternoon. But now that I'm home I'm starting to feel kind of itchy and I'm having images of me walking through Amsterdam at night. I'll see what I do. By the way, I just ate this fantastic Japanese seaweed salad. First time I tried it and I'm immediately hooked. It's like with sun dried tomatoes. I love those things and I've been eating them a lot lately. So I guess same will happen with the seaweed. Also, there's this kid working downstairs at the supermarket, he's a cashier. But this one really likes his job, always super friendly, I really appreciate that. But he's also someone I feel has thoughts about me. I mean, sometimes when you help people you don't know, you just help, do the things you're supposed to do but don't have any thoughts about the person you're helping. You don't think something like, oh, this person dresses funny, this person has yellow hair, just random thoughts like that. But with this kid it's like when we meet he thinks something about me. Well, probably, he thinks, ah, there's that guy again, 'cause I go to the supermarket quite often and I often happen to be helped by him. Ding dong :) But he really looks. Like there's some awkwardness going on. Like we're supposed to say something more because we happen to see each other quite often, but you don't really say much 'cause I'm just out shopping and he's doing his job. It's strange 'cause when you think about it, I see this kid more often than I see some of my friends. So lately I happen to have this urge to ask him like: is something wrong? I don't know, I feel like breaking the ice or something, because it just kind of stupid you don't really say much even though you see each other a lot. I feel urged to say something more than just 'you too' when he wishes me a good weekend. And I feel his wishing me a good weekend is not the same when he says that to other people. But don't we all think that sometimes. I guess so. But no, really, he waits until I have packed my bag then he wishes me a good weekend looking at me and I look at him and say 'you too'. Then he continues helping the next customer and I leave. It's kind of like in trains and stuff, all those things. People don't talk to each other. And also, I always go to this cinema on Sunday morning in Amsterdam and the same people are working there every Sunday. And of course they recognize me and my parents, because I often go there with my parents. Especially me, 'cause I'm basically the only kid out there at 11 o'clock in the morning. All those other people are grey and old. So I stand out and not just because my hair looks different. ;) So at times when this guy who always cuts our tickets, is cutting our tickets again, I feel like saying something extra. Just to acknowledge that I know I see this person almost every week and know he sees me almost every week as well. It just so strange. At times I just want him to start speaking to me and say like, hey, you always come here on Sunday right, you enjoy the movies? I don't know, just random stuff. I guess I want some acknowledgement too. Because at many times we people, all of us here in this world, we pretend people we don't 'know' just don't exist. And I frequently think, but what if we met at university, what if we happened to be in the same course, then we probably would have ended up speaking to each other, we would have perhaps ended up being friends. That's why I feel weird we all act as strangers on the train, 'cause who knows, we might be able to become the greatest friends. That person sitting next to you might share the same interests as you do, maybe when we would have been properly introduced we would have become very close. But we don't take risks. And those little kids with their parents who start yelling in the train are told to shut up and be silent at an early age, 'cause that's what we learn, that's what we are told we are supposed to do when being on the train. Just be silent and don't disturb people. Well, often I long for some disturbance. :(